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For Sale, Angry Chair, Never Used

A screengrab from the music video for Angry Chair.

A few weeks ago I wrote a fake Craigslist post trying to sell the Angry Chair from the eponymous music video by Alice In Chains.

I filed the listing under the “antiques” category in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles. I included a photo from the music video, and another of a beat up, piece of shit chair I found via Google image search that looks nothing like the chair in the video.

A craigslist post selling the Angry Chair.

I wrote the post from the perspective of a former set PA and grunge fan who has since mellowed out. It read (all sic):

“For sale, the original ANGRY CHAIR from the famous ALICE IN CHAINS music video for their hit song ‘angry chair.’ that’s right, this is the same angry chair sat in by none other than layne staley! own a piece of rock n roll history! some background: i was a PA on the video way back when, and after the shoot wrapped, took the chair home. since then, it’s just been sitting in my garage collecting dust. i hate to sell it, but i need to downsize. plus i’m clean now and have two kids, and i’m just not as angry as i used to be. the chair is perfect for sitting in and just raging out. a few dents, but in otherwise great condition. $1,500 OBO — if interested, email with your favorite AIC album and why you think you’re angry enough for the chair. money isnt important to me, just want to give the angry chair a good home. god bless and rock on""

I tweeted a link to the joke listing, sent it to a few friends, and then went and got a burrito. It was a good afternoon.

But it turns out, in an almost inexplicable coincidence, I posted the listing on what happened to be deceased AIC lead singer Layne Staley’s birthday, making it a solid peg for a blog post.

Two hours later, Diffuser ran a piece on it.

A screengrab of a clickbait article about the Craigslist post. Then Spin picked it up.

Another screengrab of a clickbait article about the Craigslist post.

It was later picked up by Alternative Nation and Metal Insider.

Another screengrab of a clickbait article about the Craigslist post.

As well as a few Spanish language music sites, including Portalternativo. All of them featured a large image of the shitty chair.

Yet another screengrab of a clickbait article about the Craigslist post, this time in Spanish.

It started getting tweeted about by music journalists, classic rock radio stations, a Dutch Alice In Chains fan Twitter account, and random fans of the band.

A screengrab of a Tweet linking to the Craigslist post. A screengrab of a Tweet linking to the Craigslist post. A screengrab of a Tweet linking to the Craigslist post. A screengrab of a Tweet linking to the Craigslist post. A screengrab of a Tweet linking to the Craigslist post. A screengrab of a Tweet linking to the Craigslist post.

Weird, since all anyone had to do to confirm the legitimacy of the post was (a) respond to the listing asking for more details and/or (b) reverse image search that shitty chair image, and find its original source. Option (b) would have taken 15 seconds at most, which I suppose is too slow for the fast-paced world of internet journalism.

As soon as the chair started getting coverage, I received emails from people who wanted to purchase it.

At first they were odd.

An email from a businessman wanting to buy the chair.

I could imagine a yuppie, middle-aged suburban man, showing his friends around his freshly-painted man cave, ending the tour by flicking up a dimmer switch, revealing the shitty chair predominantly positioned in the room. “You guys recognize that chair?” he’d smugly ask. They’d shake their heads, no. “It’s THE Angry Chair. You know, from Alice In Chains. It’s the only one.”

One woman from the Lebanon sent me a photo of herself and her AIC merch. A teenager sent a video review he made of Anthony Kiedis’s autobiography. (“I rate it an 8 out of 10, which is a pretty high rating.”) This guy allegedly played Layne Staley “in a film.”

Another email from a potential customer.

This guy was skeptical about the provenance of the chair, but I managed to convince him otherwise.

Another email from a potential customer.

But the majority of the emails were deeply personal and sad.

Yet another email from a potential customer, from a woman with a sick father.

Ah, geez —

And yet another email from a potential customer, from someone with depression.

I took the listing down. Lesson learned: don’t trifle with the dark emotional depths of music nostalgia.

This piece was first published in Death and Taxes in 2014.